As a preface to this post I do want to say that these rules are not reflective of our courtship. I am very, very thankful for the loving leadership of bnoth sets of parents here in this courtship. These rules are the result of a few minds just being goofy so some credit for this is due to the parents of my dear little lady who thru their joking inspired me. Hope you enjoy them. 🙂
1. ABSOLUTELY NO physical contact (if this rule is even accidentally violated the offender is tarred and feathered quicker than you can blink).
2. It is often said to leave room for Jesus when sitting next to each other. But we prefer you to leave room for Fred, who is a five hundred pound middle-aged balding man with body odor and a bad case of the measles.
3. Emotional intimacy is to be always carefully measured via the intimeter. If the couple leave the safe ‘stoic zone’ and enter the danger zone the young woman is to be confined in her room for a year on bread and water and the young man is to brought to a remote frozen river and dumped thru a small hole in the ice.
4. There is to be no direct eye contact. Upon the first violation of this rule the left eye of both will be plucked out. Upon the second violation… we will need to teach you braille so don’t do it again.
5. Chaperoning. Imagine a five foot bubble zone around every member of the family the couple happens to be with at the time. If the courting couple steps outside of this five foot bubble zone the entire family must grab a stick and beat them. Yardsticks for the girl; four by fours for the guy. Also every family member must be equipped with a tape measure to monitor for violations.
6. The following is a list of words prohibited til marriage. Love, beautiful, marriage, children, handsome, care, how, are, you, doing, kids, pretty, etc. If any synonyms of these words are even thought immediate recompensation for your error will be made.
And beware, young courtiers, this is only a partial list. Many, many, many more rules are soon forthcoming.