Archive for the ‘Dating/Courtship’ Category

As a preface to this post I do want to say that these rules are not reflective of our courtship.  I am very, very thankful for the loving leadership of bnoth sets of parents here in this courtship.  These rules are the result of a few minds just being goofy so some credit for this is due to the parents of my dear little lady who thru their joking inspired me.  Hope you enjoy them.  🙂

1.  ABSOLUTELY NO physical contact (if this rule is even accidentally violated the offender is tarred and feathered quicker than you can blink).

2.  It is often said to leave room for Jesus when sitting next to each other.  But we prefer you to leave room for Fred, who is a five hundred pound middle-aged balding man with body odor and a bad case of the measles.

3.  Emotional intimacy is to be always carefully measured via the intimeter.  If the couple leave the safe ‘stoic zone’ and enter the danger zone the young woman is to be confined in her room for a year on bread and water and the young man is to brought to a remote frozen river and dumped thru a small hole in the ice.

4.  There is to be no direct eye contact.  Upon the first violation of this rule the left eye of both will be plucked out.  Upon the second violation… we will need to teach you braille so don’t do it again.

5.  Chaperoning.  Imagine a five foot bubble zone around every member of the family the couple happens to be with at the time.  If the courting couple steps outside of this five foot bubble zone the entire family must grab a stick and beat them.  Yardsticks for the girl; four by fours for the guy.  Also every family member must be equipped with a tape measure to monitor for violations.

6.  The following is a list of words prohibited til marriage.  Love, beautiful, marriage, children, handsome, care, how, are, you, doing, kids, pretty, etc.  If any synonyms of these words are even thought immediate recompensation for your error will be made.

And beware, young courtiers, this is only a partial list.  Many, many, many more rules are soon forthcoming.


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Just a few random things I have learned since beginning this Courtship.  In no particular order and of no particular importance.

1.  Aaaaaaaaggggghhhhhh!!!  This person is a different person than me!  And SHE (imagine that) has different thoughts than me!   And she has different desires than me!  And she responds to things differently than me!  Still getting over the craziness of having someone else to care for and think about other than selfish me.  And even someone as awesome as Gennavieve still bursts my bubble often.  But, I am very glad for that.

2.  Point 1 leads directly to point 2.  I have learned that I am much more of a sinner than I previously thought.  I am a selfish snob.  And for that statement I don’t think I need to make any clarifications, redactions or do any back-pedaling.  It stands true as stated.  I am a selfish snob.  And since I am one, I dont really care to put flesh on that statement to let y0u know in what ways I am a selfish snob.   But rest assured that my God is in the process of sanctifying me.

3.  Gennavieve Ramey (hopefully soon gennavieve elaine ramey green) is a wonderful, godly, sweet, loving, happy, mature, cheerful, wise, respectful and downright awesome young woman.  It is my daily prayer that I will have the privilege to pray for her daily as her husband for the rest of my life.

4.  People asking when ‘the big date’ is can get annoying.  No offense to those of you who have already asked, but at times, early on in a courtship where things are still a little unsteady and you are still struggling to get the ball rolling, it can get a little irksome.  I would never have thought so previously but, here I be, and those are my two cents.

5.  I am courting her.  And she is courting me.  We are courting each other.  There is an each-otherness or rather a togetherness that I have not experienced ever before in my life and is really weird.  Different may be a better term to describe what it is like.  Or perhaps DIFFERENT would describe it even better.  Being identified as Genna’s young man and having her identified as Caleb’s young lady is definitely an odd phenomenon for me and for her as well.

6.  Have you ever seen Mark Gungor’s, “Laugh your way to a better marriage”?  If you have not then you should.  It is perhaps tantamount to heresy to abdicate your responsibility to see this film before marriage.  JK.  Anyways, he is very funny but yet shows incredible wisdom on how to relate to your spouse (or courting partner) in an understanding way.  Every day I see situations that he described unfolding before my eyes and it makes me want to laugh.

I am so glad for the things that God has taught me thru this.  I am so happy for the privilege that God has given me in being able to court Gennavieve.  I pray that God will continue to break me  of my sin and selfishness so I can fulfill this calling.

I love you so much Gennavieve!!!

For the King,


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Mark Driscoll delivers a sound and clear message to the little boys masquerading as men in the modern Church.

This is good stuff.

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A while back a friend asked what i thought of the whole courtship/dating issue.  I decided to take the opportunity to get all of my thoughts on paper and here is the product.  There is of course much more that can be added and i did not touch on a lot of things that should be mentioned but it was not my intention to turn out a treatise but only a simple answer.  May every part of our lives including our romances be submitted to the will of Christ.

First off I do hold to a courtship model as opposed to the recreational dating system of the west.  I believe recreational dating to be dangerous and also very unbiblical.  Any system even if one has to go as far as arranged marriage is better than that.

This is a very confusing subject as there are so many different views of what courtship is.  I will briefly explain mine but want you to know that I am open to change and have changed much in this area in the past.

These I believe to be the pillars of courtship in no particular order.

1 Authority is in its proper place.

A courtship is conducted under the authority and supervision of the proper authorities in the lives of the courters.  They will listen to the advice of their authorities and give it due consideration.  This is necessary because a person in love with another loses the ability often to truly see things as the way they are.  They do not see the weaknesses in the other person and do often do not make very good decisions about how to conduct the relationship.  Having the advice of one who has been there done that and can see from an unbiased perspective is very important not only in this area of life but every one.

2 It is carried on not in the context of a date but in real life.

A date is the worst time to try to get to know someone.   We all put on our good faces and hide our real selves too well for a relationship to be limited to dates.  A courtship takes place in real time in real life.  The couple would get to know each other in the context of their relationships with their families and friends.   You are who you really are most clearly when you are with those who know you best, your family.  They would find opportunities to serve others and see each other in stressful situations.  This is how you see what the character of another person is, not in a restaurant gazing into their eyes or going to see a movie.  Give me a break!   People see these ‘wonderful’ people turn into monsters after a few months of marriage because they did not know they were always monsters because they never saw them in real life but only when they were all dolled up in these let’s play romance situations.

3 It is structured and gives solidity and a goal to the relationship.

A courtship is not a willy nilly relationship.  It is a contract made between two individuals to try to get to know each other on a deeper level with the goal of marriage firmly in view.  The goal of everything is marriage and upon entering the courtship the promise is that if all goes well and nothing insurmountable comes up {such as character flaws or disapproval of authorities} it WILL end in marriage.  There is solidity to this and this I believe is necessary mostly for the protection of the woman but also for the man.  No longer is she or he left guessing as to the true intentions of the other and not really knowing where things are going but there is a definite goal and they know where things are.  There is no point to a relationship without a goal.  If you aint gonna buy why are you shopping?  There is only danger in a relationship that is not headed toward marriage.  The only way a relationship without solidity can go is down.  Hearts are betrayed and crushed this way.  Because of the different ways guys and gals are wired it is almost always much harder on the girl when one of these ‘things’ goes south.  The guy is over it in short order but she will suffer for a while.

4 It makes sure that a relationship is built on the sure foundation of common trust in the King and true love instead of immature infatuation.

A courtship is designed so that one will build your relationship upon proper foundations.  Most relationships are based upon physical and emotional connection solely.  A truly Christian relationship will I believe be based upon common love for God first.  This is the only foundation that will stand and only after one has seen strong biblical convictions and character should a courtship begin.  There should have been in an optimal situation many conversations and instances where one could view this in the other.  When a relationship does not connect first on this level but on the level of attraction to personality or looks there is a high danger because the foundation is, “I like this in this person so I will pursue them. “  Instead of as it should be, “This person has godly character and I can live my life for the King with this person.”  If a relationship is based upon your likes and dislikes solely then when those things change in the other person it will fall apart.  Real love is based not primarily upon feelings for someone but a willingness to lay down your life for someone else regardless of how you feel.  For the King is our battle cry not just in fighting sin and Satan but in relationships and every part of life.

Alright those I believe to be the central pillars of a true courtship.  I am open to criticism and change but that is what I believe now.  I need to speak a little on how it would actually begin though.  Ok so let’s begin with an example.  John Doe of a good solid Christian home is interested in Jane Doe in a good solid Christian home.  John would In keeping with #1 be clear and open about his heart and interests with his parents.  He would consult them and ask for advice on Jane’s character {in situations without godly parents I think he should go to someone who knows them both and is wise and godly for advice. Pastor maybe}.  If he received a green light from them he would approach the girl’s father before speaking to her at all.  No communication of interests between John and Jane should have occurred at this point.  This is so that if Dad’s answer is a no there would be no emotional connections that need to be severed {hopefully but not always the case}.   We don’t need people being hurt needlessly.   Jane’s Dad would think about it and if he thought John was a godly man and a good prospect for Jane he would bring the situation to her.  At which point she would be able to make the final decision yes or no.  Her decision as his should have been from the beginning should not be based on emotions but on character.  The father will tell him and dictate the terms of the courtship.  Then a proper relationship can be born in the way of #2 and #4.  The father fills the role I spoke of as a screen of protection for the girl only.  Not to just control her but to help and protect her from the stupid and wicked guys who swarm all over this world.  His place as I laid out above will of course only work if he is a godly man concerned for his daughter and desirous of providing her a good future.  If he is not a godly man the young man I believe should first approach whoever would be her spiritual authority and they would be the go-between.  She should not have to be the one to fight off aforementioned stupid guysJ.

If a Girl is interested in someone and he does not show an sign of coming for her then her father {he knows her heart because she is or should be clear on these things with her parents} can approach that young man.  This way is a little backwards from the way we see it happening in scripture but I think that if handled in a godly fashion it is not in violation of any biblical principles.

I think that is all that I thought of so far but I need to stress one final point.  That there should be no communication of interest whether direct or indirect until beginning a courtship I think is very important.  Why tell them and grab their heart if you are not committed enough to begin something serious?  And if you don’t think you are ready for a courtship well then that’s just it, you aren’t ready.  Don’t say anything until you are ready and sure.  Period.

Now this is how I think these should be conducted but in real time there are often hang-ups and interesting wrenches that are thrown in the mix so it should be conducted by biblical principle instead of by any sort of rulebook.

The courtship model flows along with and in some cases out of the principles on boy/girl interaction we discussed {or I monologued on} a few months ago.  The truths that young folk should be guarding and directing their heart, that there should be good and wholesome but careful communication between the sexes, and that all friendship {and relationships} should be based on care for others and not used for selfish desires are all undergirding presuppositions to this model.  If they are not in place the building crumbles.  But if they are in place then in view of the basic ways we as humans work I think courtship is the most biblical and consistent way of conducting a relationship.

I want to thank you for asking me what I thought.  I know you did not expect a book on it but it did help me systematize my thoughts.  Thanks.  Sorry about the length.  I know it’s ridiculous.

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